I have learned that…
Confidence is a way of life,
Attractiveness is a mindset, and
Beauty can only come from the light of one’s soul.
In essence, confidence, attractiveness, and beauty can only be achieved from within, never from outside our Being.
We are the creators. We hold the pen. We are the only ones with the power to change our story.
If the Universe is made entirely out of light and love and pure consciousness, and therefore it is divinely beautiful, how can we as human beings, the physical manifestation of the Universe itself, be anything but?
The answer is, we can’t; it is impossible. The stunning light of the Universe lives within us; it is our birthright.
Nothing external can ever threaten that truth, even if our logical mind, who usually does so much good for us, tricks us into thinking that we are lacking.
In the last year, I have learned a lot about these three qualities: confidence, attractiveness, and beauty. These lessons stemmed from my eating disorder recovery, but they are full of universal truth.
I want to share what I have learned in hopes that it can encourage at least one person to view themselves and their life with a little more light.
This is cliche and over said, but it is 100% accurate: you can totally fake it until you make it.
For instance, a simple readjustment of your posture can make a world of a difference, but I am not about to go into all the ways that you can look / be confident. I am sure that there are hundreds of other sources, blogs, books, podcasts, etc. that can do a much better job than I can. I am about to tell you about what confidence actually is, or at least how I define it. Hopefully it will help shift your mindset in a better direction.
Psychology Dictionary defines self-confidence as:
1. our self-assurance in trusting our abilities, capacities and judgements. 2. the belief that we can meet the demands of a task.
That seems about right, but what abilities, capabilities, judgements, and tasks are we talking about? I am pretty confident in my ability to tie my own shoe and make a solid cup of coffee, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I am a confident person.
Confidence to me means that you are self-assured, not in your ability to do something but in who you are, including your limitations and mistakes and faults. That you know your divine worth, no matter what. No lack of ability or capability, no wrong judgement, and no failed task could ever make you lose your self-assurance. That to me is true confidence.
So, maybe the confidence issue that plagues society is somewhat due to the definition. If we define confidence as what is expressed by Psychology Dictionary, then it is no wonder we all struggle. There is no way for anyone to be confident in every ability, judgement, or task. So that means that no one could ever be truly self-confident. It would ebb and flow depending on circumstance, and that just does not sit right with me. We do not need to achieve perfection in order to feel true confidence, because if that is the case, then we will never attain it.
Confidence can be obtained every second of every day no matter what, if we view confidence not as something we can achieve but as a way of life.
What I mean by that is we must choose to be confident, even during times that we are not self-assured in an ability, judgement, or task. We can do that by bringing self-compassion into all of our experiences, and by reminding ourselves that we are doing the best that we possibly can given the current circumstances, and that is more than enough.
Once we forgive our faults, mistakes, and shortcomings and stop judging ourselves for simply being human, then room will open up for self-love and confidence to set up shop in our minds and hearts.
We can instead live our lives full of faith in ourselves that no matter what life throws at us, no matter how badly we mess up, no matter how poorly we look or feel one day, that we will do the best that we can. That no matter what, our worth will never diminish. How could it? We are the Universe experiencing itself in human form. We are divine whether we recognize it or not.
It is a well known cliche that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but what they have failed to mention is that we are each the beholder of our own beauty.
When that thought resonated in my brain, I started to view EVERYTHING differently, most importantly myself.
Attractiveness really is a mindset. Think of it this way, even if everyone in the entire world thinks you were beautiful, even if you are crowned “most attractive” in every top magazine, even if people constantly come up to you to swoon over how stunning you are, if you do not believe it yourself, then it won’t matter. You won’t feel beautiful, even though everyone else in the entire world thinks you are. So what is the point?
Simple: there isn’t one.
So, why do we as a species place so much importance on others finding us attractive when even if they do, it does not change how we feel about ourselves? Why don’t we instead go directly to the source and start working on viewing ourselves as beautiful, in spite of what others think? I am no expert, but we should definitely start doing that. I did, and everything changed for me.
Much like confidence, I started faking it at first. I put in the effort it took to thoroughly convince myself that I am attractive, and as cringy as it sounds, what worked the best was telling myself affirmations in the mirror. I know, I know, so cliche, but it totally worked. I said things like:
“Damn you look so good in this outfit!”
“Wow, your curves are stunning!”
“How do you make brown eyes look so good?”
“Your eyelashes are so long you look like a Disney princess.”
You get the point. Instead of criticizing myself in the mirror, I spent that time and energy hyping myself up like I would my sister or best friend. Now, I do not care if anyone else thinks I am attractive, because I think I am. This is not a conceited statement. I have struggled with self esteem so badly that I just got to the point where I was like “screw it.” No one is going to make me like me and what I look like. I need to do that for myself. So, I did. I learned to love myself and the physical body that the Universe has blessed me with, and it is so much fun!
As much as we have been conditioned to think that beauty is an external component of reality, it actually isn’t.
Beauty is innately inside every single living thing.
There is nothing we need to do or achieve in order to be beautiful, and similarly there isn’t anything in the world that can take our beauty away from us.
We are all so infinitely beautiful it is not even funny.
The way we laugh, smile, get curious, feel excitement, swim in oceans, welcome and cuddle little furry creatures in our homes, create things, dance to rhythms, hug, dress ourselves up, etc. is so freaking beautiful!
Humans are divine, stunning creatures, and that has NOTHING to do with how our physical bodies looks. Our bodies are simply vessels for our souls to experience this physical existence through the senses. It is a gift, and it should be viewed as one.
Trying to make ourselves beautiful by attempting to change our physical bodies is damaging to our souls, for it goes against the truth of our very existence. It is disrespectful to our authentic selves.
Beauty can only come from the light of one’s soul, never from outside ourselves.
The great news is, we already are beautiful. All we have to do is sit back, relax, and bask in the glory of our divine selves. How awesome is that?
I am extremely well aware of how difficult it is to find self-love and confidence when you are struggling. So, I want to make it clear that this article is a written expression of what I have learned about confidence, attractiveness, and beauty while going through my eating disorder recovery. I share these words, not to make self-love look like the easiest thing in the world to achieve, but instead to inspire others to change their mindset and shift their perspective so that they too can put in the work it takes to feel confident, attractive, and beautiful in their own skin.
I am not perfect, and I definitely have not mastered the art of self-love yet, but I am confident that I am on the right path, and that is all that matters.
I hope with all my heart that this article has inspired at least one of you. We all deserve to love our beautiful selves deeply and truly.
With love and light,